Tuesday, October 5, 2010
roadtrip.
So you are going to want to get the oil changed first. Then you will need to make sure your father goes to bed at a reasonable hour. You need to make sure that the cooler is packed full of diet ginger ales for him to drink as he drives down the road listening to Steely Dan. Next, you need to find out if 90 year old Uncle Emery is coming and if he needs to take a shower before you all get in the car together. You will need to use force to get him into the shower because it has been months since his last one. He will portest. Tell him to pack his brown jump suit and thermos full of coffee. Make sure your brother has all the cigarettes he is going to need for the drive. You know he will not want to smoke the brands that they have in the middle of nowhere in Iowa. You will have high hopes of leaving at dawn. You will put your bags by the door, you will go to sleep early. But in the morning you wake up and your father is still asleep downstairs and Uncle Emery is talking jibberish about doughnuts in the kitchen. The dogs will not be fed. It is hot out and the van is already unbearably full from all the packing that you did the night before. When your father does rise he will tell you he has more auctions to list on ebay before he can leave. Your family will call from Michigan asking where you are on the road, and you will tell them that you haven't left yet. The 90's toyota previa is waiting, sagging in the driveway. There is the promise of the thunderstorms in Nebraska late at night while you listen to Radiohead with your brother and talk about the universe, art and what we will do when we get to Michigan. Emery will put his thermos underneath his seat and fall asleep. Your father will put the ginger ale into his cup holder, your brother will begin to chain smoke cigarettes.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I like the way this piece is addressing the second person. It takes the reader through every action, every process. Simultaneously, there are interesting characters whose quirks are revealed. At one point, I almost felt a sort of melancholy when no one else is ready to leave yet, but then it on a different note than I expected, with the promise of a relaxing, familiar drive.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Melodie that second person works well here. Your inclusion of so many specific details makes this strong. Cigarette brands in Iowa, Steely Dan, 90 year old uncle etc. It would be more concise and less convoluted if you omit some of the "you'll need"s which get a bit repetitive. Also, Beginning with the word "so" is never such a good idea because its an unnecessary word.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a big fan of the second person, but it works here, thanks in part to the well-selected specific details that bring this to life. I might still try it in first person to see if it might not work equally well. We need to know where we are starting from, and I'd introduce the Previa up front--the van is a character in a road trip, one of several great characters. We get a good sense of the father and the uncle--give us a little more about the "you" and the brother. Proofread! ("he will portest")
ReplyDelete